Update on Myself… the Highs and the Lows

Alright. So went to the doctor today. As of today im in a pinch. Why? I just took Orencia last Thursday. So I wouldnt be able to switch to something new for at least 30 days. Any other time of the year this would be fine. But Jess and I leave for Disney November 10th. I cant start anything new because of Disney. So I will be staying on Orencia at least for now. Yay… (sarcasm). So… whats the change? STEROIDS!!!! The one thing I absolutely do not want. But… it works. It takes the pain away. Right now im left with no other choice for the next 2 months. Let alone… the pain has been unbarable. But check this out. The Doc recommended a shot that is supposed to last 6 weeks… so it should get me through Disney. And she came me a prescription for the pills as well to take with me to Disney in the case the Orencia hasnt fully kicked in or the pain start to come back.

Now for the update… around 2pm which was around 2 hours after the shot… the pain was going away. Right now… 11 hours ago…. pain free. Now… right now its masking it. My hands are still swollen, and that will take time to go down… so lets see if this makes sense. In my head… I know there is pain there…. but my body says there is no pain. But omg… this feels wonderful. Hoping this trend continues.

So thats where im at. Im feeling good. Very tired still…its unreal how much the body really goes through when its in so much pain. I really never understood it till now. So yeah… hoping to get a decent sleep tonight and be able to wake up without rolling over the edge of the bed! LOL! And with this…. I leave this……………

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Hard Times

I really miss playing guitar….. I know I gave it up a couple years back, but that was by choice… Not because I physically couldn’t…… I do not wish this disease upon anyone. I know there are other bad diseases out there… But psoriatic arthritis is like a prison but with a view to life. Sorry… Just venting……… Been hard lately to put a positive spin on life lately.

For such a long time I was able to put a smile on my face. Ignore the pain. Didn’t want to show anyone just how much it hurt. I didn’t want sympathy. It just wasn’t me. I can take pain. But that cost me. Took to much and over did it. Now I have been sidelined. My hobby. My past time. My one thing I love doing… Playing guitar has been taken from me.

I probably could come back… But I can’t afford to take the amount of pain meds necessary to do it. I want to come back on my own terms. Who knows… That could be never. But I pray to God that if it’s his will… If he wants me to play for him again…. That he will let me. It’s hard to let go to things you love. I hate it actually. Writing music with an iPad is not the same as holding my Grandpas Martin and playing till I couldn’t. Or practicing on Thursday nights and having to stay longer because we were trying to get the songs right for Sunday. I miss that. It was taken from me.

All I know is that I would love to have all of that back right now. I miss it all. I hope some of my praise band buddies read this. Pass it on. I miss it. I’d give anything to play right now. The overtime. The songs we don’t want to play. Be thankful. Hopefully I’ll return. It’s my goal. But right now my outlook isn’t bright. I should be healthy for Sunday and it will be painful to sit in the congregation. Not painful as in my hands… But painful in a broken heart. I have given all of this to God and I know I need faith and I have it… But it’s days like yesterday when I chat with someone and they know how much playing means to me. But one thing I keep in the back of my mind… A movie featuring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus. What About Bob. Baby steps Bob. Baby steps. As stupid as this sounds… I can play video games again. I use to not be able to. So with that I keep thinking… Baby steps Will. Baby steps.

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Something

I have had a lot on my mind lately. So much where I almost dread getting up in the morning. It’s not because of work or family. Nothing like that. All of that is actually awesome. But it’s been more of my health.

It really has sucked lately. Now I try to look at the bright side of life. Don’t get me wrong. I know there are tons more people who are worse off than me, but man… This disease just sucks. Things started going downhill about 2 months ago but manageable. But about a month ago it rapidly went to bad. I first noticed it at its worse when I was playing bass. I had one finger literally turn into my hand. I had no control over it. Then a second finger went. I couldn’t feel a thing or move it at all. I won’t go into other things that happened but I was poised with a huge decision. Do I keep fighting to play music? Or do I give up and try to hopefully fight another day?

I really didn’t know what to do… But I knew what I HAD to do. I told the powers that be that I had to step down. When I went to my doctors visit a couple says later… My suspicions were right. The doc told me I had to take a break in order for the meds to get into my system. I was put on hold for 6-7 weeks. I say that because it was six weeks but couldn’t get in till the seventh week. Then it’s not even a definite if I can even play music again.

I’m not asking for a pity party. I just need to vent. And this is my outlet. I started playing music because I wasn’t allowed to play sports anymore because of my knee. If I lose this ability… I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. But this is why I know this isn’t a pity party. God gave me music when I needed it the most. He will give me something else if I lose this. That’s why I know I’ll be fine. I just get impatient like a normal person should and want things now. Want the pain to go away. Play music again. But it will happen on Gods time. Not mine. Does that sound crazy to some? Of course. But I’m at peace with it and that’s how it should be.

Man of STEEL

Seriously… I have not been this excited for anything Superman related since he was killed off in the comics! This new take on Superman looks AMAZING! Forget that abomination that was Superman Returns… (But Kevin Spacey was a pretty awesome Lex though…) this take on such an iconic hero looks to be what we want and need.

With Marvel tearing up the screen with their Avenger hero’s… all we get this summer is Iron Man. While one group loved the movie, and the other group was a little mystified on certain elements of it… it was still a great start to this summers movie attractions. But for me… everything leads to Man of Steel. Ever since I heard Nolan was attatched to this… I just knew Superman was finally in good hands. That we wouldnt get a say… “Indy 4″ and lets reference the South Park Episode “The China Probrem”. Nolan respects the comics and also respects us fans as well.

I guess the reason im writing this is that I saw the Nokia Trailer for Man of Steel and was just blown away! This trailer is ACTION PACKED beyond belief! My fear is that it ends up being one of those trailers that has shown you everything. But knowing Snyder and Nolan… that isnt the case. But anyways… here below is the trailer for it. Be amazed! Seriously… cant wait! Get to see this movie with my bud Seth. Seth is my movie buddy. w00t!

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Game of Thrones: Red Wedding Reaction

Seriously… WTH! I have not read the books. Honestly… I didnt even realize there were books till this episode. But on a side note… I now officially want to read the books now. Or at least read up till this point of the show. But forget about that for now…

WHAT THE HECK! Seriously! Who am I supposed to cheer for! Dont get me wrong…

there are still plenty, but House Stark is certainly in trouble. Its been a while where there has been a show that has literally shown no mercy to its story. Im trying to think of a show where events like this come close and all Ican think of is Dexter. And I dont even think that comes close at all! To me… House Stark is the good guys, and House Lannister is the bad guys. So as of right now… you have a handful of characters now that you care about.

Jon Snow
Arya
Bran
Rickon

 

Id include Sansa in the list… but she seems she has always been one foot out the door since the story began, but speaking of Sansa. Now… there is one little soul on the Lannister side that has it right. Tyrion. Im curious to see what happens with him. Him and Snow are probably my two favorite characters in this whole show. To see something happen to them… well… crap. LOL

But now… did I like the little twist from the Wedding episode. Yes. I loved it. I think even though House Stark is in dire trouble, that it makes for great story telling. Im tired of stories where you have 10 good guys, and 10 bad guys and all of the bad guys die, and all 10 good guys live. A story like this… where is actually tests to see how much invested are they in the story does not come often. Too many people play it safe. I think Game of Thrones just payed off. I applaud them for taking the risk. Sticking with the book, and even TAKING IT UP A NOTCH with that first kill. That takes guts. No pun intended… dont want blasted for being rude or mean or… well… idc… LOL.

But for those who dont watch the show… like my wife… my reaction was a bit like above in the YouTube video. So enjoy!