Hard Times

I really miss playing guitar….. I know I gave it up a couple years back, but that was by choice… Not because I physically couldn’t…… I do not wish this disease upon anyone. I know there are other bad diseases out there… But psoriatic arthritis is like a prison but with a view to life. Sorry… Just venting……… Been hard lately to put a positive spin on life lately.

For such a long time I was able to put a smile on my face. Ignore the pain. Didn’t want to show anyone just how much it hurt. I didn’t want sympathy. It just wasn’t me. I can take pain. But that cost me. Took to much and over did it. Now I have been sidelined. My hobby. My past time. My one thing I love doing… Playing guitar has been taken from me.

I probably could come back… But I can’t afford to take the amount of pain meds necessary to do it. I want to come back on my own terms. Who knows… That could be never. But I pray to God that if it’s his will… If he wants me to play for him again…. That he will let me. It’s hard to let go to things you love. I hate it actually. Writing music with an iPad is not the same as holding my Grandpas Martin and playing till I couldn’t. Or practicing on Thursday nights and having to stay longer because we were trying to get the songs right for Sunday. I miss that. It was taken from me.

All I know is that I would love to have all of that back right now. I miss it all. I hope some of my praise band buddies read this. Pass it on. I miss it. I’d give anything to play right now. The overtime. The songs we don’t want to play. Be thankful. Hopefully I’ll return. It’s my goal. But right now my outlook isn’t bright. I should be healthy for Sunday and it will be painful to sit in the congregation. Not painful as in my hands… But painful in a broken heart. I have given all of this to God and I know I need faith and I have it… But it’s days like yesterday when I chat with someone and they know how much playing means to me. But one thing I keep in the back of my mind… A movie featuring Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus. What About Bob. Baby steps Bob. Baby steps. As stupid as this sounds… I can play video games again. I use to not be able to. So with that I keep thinking… Baby steps Will. Baby steps.