I have had a lot on my mind lately. So much where I almost dread getting up in the morning. It’s not because of work or family. Nothing like that. All of that is actually awesome. But it’s been more of my health.
It really has sucked lately. Now I try to look at the bright side of life. Don’t get me wrong. I know there are tons more people who are worse off than me, but man… This disease just sucks. Things started going downhill about 2 months ago but manageable. But about a month ago it rapidly went to bad. I first noticed it at its worse when I was playing bass. I had one finger literally turn into my hand. I had no control over it. Then a second finger went. I couldn’t feel a thing or move it at all. I won’t go into other things that happened but I was poised with a huge decision. Do I keep fighting to play music? Or do I give up and try to hopefully fight another day?
I really didn’t know what to do… But I knew what I HAD to do. I told the powers that be that I had to step down. When I went to my doctors visit a couple says later… My suspicions were right. The doc told me I had to take a break in order for the meds to get into my system. I was put on hold for 6-7 weeks. I say that because it was six weeks but couldn’t get in till the seventh week. Then it’s not even a definite if I can even play music again.
I’m not asking for a pity party. I just need to vent. And this is my outlet. I started playing music because I wasn’t allowed to play sports anymore because of my knee. If I lose this ability… I honestly don’t know what I’ll do. But this is why I know this isn’t a pity party. God gave me music when I needed it the most. He will give me something else if I lose this. That’s why I know I’ll be fine. I just get impatient like a normal person should and want things now. Want the pain to go away. Play music again. But it will happen on Gods time. Not mine. Does that sound crazy to some? Of course. But I’m at peace with it and that’s how it should be.